Just when Things couldn't get much worse...Aunt Irene Uses Tinder
That next morning I hear Aunt Irene shuffling in the kitchen digging through the cabinets as she slams each one open and closed. Before I dare go see the damage in the kitchen I pull my phone from my charger hoping I would see a text from Alessandro asking me to go on a second date because he thought me lying about being pregnant was actually quite humorous and plus who doesn’t like a funny girl? I Flip my phone over to see a blank screen with not one text…I then start brainwashing myself with thoughts like, “It’s okay, it’s still early to text someone after a first date I’m sure he’s just trying to play it cool, or he’s probably busy with work.” (buzz buzz) Suddenly my phone lights up! I jump to my bed to reach for it to see the message, but to my disappointment, it was only text from my mom, “Hope everything is going well with you and Aunt Irene!” followed with kiss face heart emoji. I tossed my phone back to my bed then make my way into the kitchen. More loud banging noise vibrating through the apartment, I walk into the room to see Aunt Irene wearing a bright red sequined dress, black tights, and black heels, covered with a leopard blazer, and her bedazzled cat eyed glasses. “Emma, be a doll and grab some boxes and help me carry them to your truck, I need to hurry and get down to the expo so I can meet my Tinder date.” PAUSE did my Aunt just say she has a Tinder date? While I’m single as shit and just might be till the day I get buried six feet under? I can see it now, passing away never married who became a crazy forty-five-year-old cat lady, while somehow Aunt Irene would still be alive bringing Tinder dates to my funeral looking over my casket saying, “She never could lock down a second date.” I could feel my body shake with annoyance but I decide to keep my mouth shut pick up a box and head to the truck, at least she will be out of the apartment for the whole day and I can come back to relax with no commotion of Aunt Irene.
We pull up to the conventional center where the expo was being held right downtown, all different kinds of women and their beauty products flock to the building, accept Aunt Irene and I, we show up with her mixologist equipment. “Jesus, what are in these boxes and why so many?” I mention as I go to grab one of the many boxes shoved in the back of my truck. “Oh you know, my props and decorations for my booth, don’t worry you don’t need to carry them, I just need to find my Tinder date to have him do all of the work, he’s supposed to meet me in the front of the building.” Only Aunt Irene would turn a dating app into her own personal assistant. I didn’t care to converse with my aunt, all I wanted was to get the boxes the hell out of my car so I could get back home to be free from Aunt Irene for a few hours. “Oh Look! There he is and he brought flowers.” Aunt Irene’s Tinder date/assistant for the day was named Darrell. Darrell was the same age as Aunt Irene he had big frame glasses rested on his face while sporting a black suit that you know has been hanging in his closet for the last couple of decades that had suspenders to hold up his pants. Darrell was on the littler side, he looked like he could break any minute.
My aunt walks over to greet Darrell I see them exchange conversation and all I keep thinking is, “How in the Hell is this little old man going to help carry these boxes, my aunt is going to kill him.” I see the two walk over towards my car…Aunt Irene speed walking back and Darrell moving at a snail’s pace. “Emma, Darrell over here is going to help me with getting things set up and to spend the day with me while I work at the expo, just help us with the boxes then we should be able to handle the rest, isn’t that right Darrell?” My aunt turns and shouts to Darrell that is still walking at a snail’s pace towards us. “Huh?? What did you say?” he replies with a squinting face. I shake my head and agree to help with the boxes. I, snail pace Darrell and Aunt Irene unload all the boxes then I wave good luck and take off.Ⓒcopyright 2016
